Hell

As many of you know, I refuse to karaoke. I, in fact, have never really done it. Aside from our glorious debut of “Zombie.” Ha. Remember this:














This is peculiar as I am an attention whore and usually revel in the spotlight, as do almost all of my closest friends who I can without hesitation label karaoke masters. Nonetheless, I hate the thought of being in front of people singing solo. My vocal chords constrict just thinking it.

To this day I have been forced to overdub audience vocals with the rest of my co-workers more times than I can remember. It’s torture. It usually plays out by Joe asking us all to audio for a “meeting.” In the middle of the room stands a state-of-the-art microphone. 5 minutes later, lyric sheet in hand, we all have to belt out the songs' chorus over and over, and it’s always a band I don’t listen to and/or despise, like Daughtry.

Since we started editing KC I have had to do this every day. Today we sang "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" 20 times with Joe saying things like "You need to sound more like a girl, more high pitched" or “Sound more drunk. Guuuuuys, sound more like a drunk girl.” Then we did the same thing for a song called “Keg in the Closet.” As far as I can tell, this is not for the actual movie, just a demo reel preview thing.

I have been contemplating ways to get out of this, the most reasonable option being stabbing my throat repeatedly in hopes of a self-inflicted tracheotomy. Any other ideas?