Two hundred and twenty five bones

We got let in through the back door. A Bears player spilled his drink all over me and offered to get club soda. A woman talked to me about how John Cusack, who was in the basement, was a notorious "woman slayer." I told Chad a little too loudly that even though I'm more attracted to his characters I would still let him slay me any day. She heard me. She was a senior partner at Chad's firm. Later when I asked where the bathroom was, "Have fun getting there. You can get a UTI just walking through that crowd" came from the mouth of the other senior partner's hot young thang. I opted out. When Rich got back from the bathroom journey his biceps were sweating. She said, "See?" The bassist from NIN was across the room. Sean Penn walked past me. He was very tan and wearing a lab coat. I wanted to touch him but didn't. Chris Chelios stood on the bar and poured beer into people's mouths from the Stanley Cup. Earlier in the day he walked up to a Wrigleyville apartment, and said, "I'm Chris Chelios and I have to go to the bathroom. If you let me in, I'll let you hold this and take some pictures with you." Eddie Vedder was downstairs, falling off stools he was so drunk. How is this my life all of a sudden?